Red Rocks Amphitheatre in Colorado: a giant red sandstone monolith towering over rows of seating.
Jordy in sunglasses throwing two peace signs with a kissy face.
Jordy
Zack in red Spider-Man sunglasses and a camo hat, mid duck face.
Zack
Simi beaming a huge smile.
Simi
Dalia, blonde, in a leather jacket, laughing and slightly motion blurred.
Dalia
Molly in a fur coat and blue tinted glasses, mouth wide open mid scream.
Molly

One night only (it sort of actually happened)

Red Rocks Dance Party

Sammy Virji is on the decks. The crew is in the rows. Nobody is standing still. Nobody, and we cannot stress this enough, knows how to dance.

Meet the crew
  • Zack, we can see your shades from row 40
  • Molly, please
  • Grant, the ice is a metaphor
  • Someone check on the 35 year old
  • Isaac, your hair is blocking the moon
  • Simi smile count: still one, still going
  • Dalia is a blur, confirmed by three witnesses
  • Jordy, it is dark out
  • Who brought a fur coat to a bass show
  • 9,525 people, zero rhythm, one Sammy Virji

Tonight's lineup (unpaid, uninvited, unstoppable)

The crew

Five people. Five signature moves. Zero of them legal in Colorado after 10 PM. Tap a photo to make it wobble, which is also what they did.

Zack in red Spider-Man sunglasses and a camo hat, mid duck face, wearing a blue mesh jersey.
Zack

Spidey sense tingling: the drop is in 8 bars.

Zack

Signature move: The Web Slinger

Spider-Shades on at 9 PM. Spider-Shades on at 2 AM. The duck face is not a pose, it is a permanent setting. Shoots a web at every drop. Has hit nothing. Keeps shooting.

  • Shades Spider-Man, red, non-negotiable
  • Webs fired 412
  • Webs landed 0
Simi, long dark hair, beaming a huge smile at the camera.
Simi

I am having the best time. I am always having the best time.

Simi

Signature move: The Mega Smile

Smile visible from the cheap seats. Visible from the parking lot. Visible from Denver. Has not stopped smiling since 2019, and the show was in 2025, so do the math.

  • Smile radius 1.6 miles
  • Teeth all of them, at once
  • Last frown 2019 (unconfirmed)
Jordy in a white top and sunglasses throwing two peace signs with a kissy face.
Peace Era
Jordy in a grey beanie, sunglasses, and a black leather jacket with a huge smile.
Beanie Era

It is 11 PM. The sunglasses stay on.

The two looks of Jordy

Signature move: The Double Peace

Two peace signs: one for the drop, one for the encore. Sunglasses at night, because the lasers are bright and so is she.

  • Outfit changes 2
  • Sunglasses changes 0
  • Peace signs per photo 2, minimum
Dalia, blonde, in a black leather jacket, laughing mid dance, slightly motion blurred.
Dalia

Catch me if you can. The camera could not.

Dalia

Signature move: The Motion Blur

Motion blur certified: moves too fast for an iPhone. This is the sharpest photo anyone got all night. It is not sharp. That is the point.

  • Shutter speed required 1/8000
  • Photos in focus this year 0
  • Vibes in focus all of them
Molly in a fur coat and blue tinted glasses, mouth wide open mid scream.
Molly

WOOOOOOOO

Molly

Signature move: The Scream

Fur coat energy at a bass show. Mouth open since the opener. Currently screaming the lyrics to a song with no lyrics, and honestly, nailing them.

  • Volume louder than the subs
  • Lyrics known 0 of 0
  • Coat faux, fabulous, 40 degrees too warm

Centerpiece of the evening

Isaac and his dance partner

He brought the curls. She brought the footwork. Together they have zero coordination and total commitment. Isaac is a cartoon because no camera could get past the hair.

Now performing: the disco point

She is carrying this duo and everyone knows it.

A love story (one-sided)

Simi and a random 35 year old

She came to dance. He came to "check out the sound system". He has been trying to dance with her for forty minutes. She has not noticed. She is smiling anyway, because she is always smiling.

Simi, long dark hair, smiling hugely, completely unbothered.
Simi (unbothered)

Who is this?

You into dubstep?

Illustration. Not a real person.

Now attempting: the sprinkler

He asked if she is "into dubstep".

  • He has been "about to leave" since the opener.
  • Filmed 41 minutes of vertical video. Will watch none of it.
  • Knows every word. There are no words.
  • The lanyard says "GUEST OF ???". It is laminated. Nobody has asked.
  • Took a work call during the drop. Held the phone up so the client could hear it.
  • Simi's response to all of the above: the same smile, slightly wider.

Home jersey. Away game.

Grant, number 69 (nice)

Wore a hockey jersey to a dubstep show. Every drop is a goal. Every goal gets a celebration. The celebrations are the dancing. Tap him to put one on the board.

Illustration. Not a real person. The jersey is real in spirit.

Now celebrating: the stick-on-knee guitar

Wore the jersey to a dubstep show. Committed.

Grant69
Drops0

(nice)

Sammy Virji smiling, standing in a dark warehouse.
Sammy Virji

Headliner

On the decks tonight: Sammy Virji

The man responsible for all of this. UK garage, bass that moves gravel, and 9,525 people who all believed, briefly, that they could two-step.

  • Drops delivered: all of them. Drops Zack correctly predicted with his Spidey sense: 3 of 412.
  • Played one song that made Molly scream. Then another one. Then all of them.
  • Has no idea who any of these people are. Changed their lives anyway.
Sammy Virji, head and shoulders, smiling.
On the decks tonight Sammy Virji. The only person at Red Rocks who was on beat the entire time.

Subject to change. Changed.

Set times

Taped to the merch tent. Written in marker. Partially accurate. One of these times is not a real time.

  1. 7:30 PMDoors. Jordy's sunglasses are already on. It is still light out.
  2. 8:15 PMOpener. The random 35 year old announces he is "about to leave".
  3. 9:00 PMSammy Virji. Simi begins smiling. (Continued from 2019.)
  4. 9:41 PMZack adjusts Spider-Shades.
  5. 9:58 PMIsaac's curls reach cruising altitude.
  6. 10:02 PMMolly screams, unprompted.
  7. 10:15 PMGrant's ice slide (medical staff on standby).
  8. 10:30 PMDalia moves. No phone can prove it.
  9. 10:44 PMThe 35 year old is still here. Still "about to leave".
  10. 10:69 PMNice.
  11. 11:30 PMEncore. Jordy deploys the second peace sign.
Wide panorama of the Red Rocks stage and seating between the rock formations.

Rows 1 through 69 (nice)

The crowd

Every one of them has a signature move. None of them has a signature rhythm. Tap a dancer for their story.

Exhibit A

Proof it happened

One photo. Four crew members. Zero of them looking at the same thing. Red Rocks glowing green in the background like it also had a few.

The crew dancing on the Red Rocks rows at night: Simi on the left with dark hair, Zack in the center in a blue jersey and camo pants, Dalia behind him in a leather jacket, and Molly on the right in a fur coat with her mouth open. The rocks glow green behind them. Simi Zack Dalia Molly
Red Rocks, the rows, 10:41 PM. Nobody was on beat.

Dance move of the night

The Dance-o-meter

Vote for the move doing the most damage. Every vote raises the needle. The needle has never come back down. Neither has Grant.

Standing still (rare)0 votes